This month’s writing question comes from @xyenam on Twitter:
When writing, how do you handle adding detail to scenes? I find that it’s difficult to toe the line of excessive vs dry when it comes to descriptive language.
This is a great question for me because it’s something I struggle with as well. I tend to write very fast-moving scenes that center around character and dialogue, so much so that I often go back in edits and find myself saying, “Wait, where are they right now?”
There are a couple tricks that I use to fix this when it happens, when I remember to use them. The first one is to try to build the scene up in my head as though I’m watching a movie, and trying to really see all of it. Where are the characters standing, what are they wearing, how are they interacting with the environment? Why does the scene happen in this location and what details about the location are important to the characters? The setting should always have some interaction with the scene; if it helps, think of it as another character. If your characters are in a car, they’re trapped in the conversation. On a commuter train or in any public setting, they have to be quiet because there are people around them.
(There’s a scene in The Hunt For Red October that I remember because it was the moment I got so annoyed at the book that I vowed never to read another Clancy book. It was a small thing but it was about detail, specifically that some gauge or another on the Russian sub was oriented “horizontally, not vertically as American intelligence thought.” First off, this is a fiction book so sure, whatever, you can make the CIA sound as dumb as you want, but what a pointless detail to hit on. Second, because the fiction book is ostensibly set in the real world, it gives the author/narrator the patina of being smarter than the CIA, which is a weird kind of masturbatory authorial insert. But third, and most annoying, the orientation of the gauge doesn’t fucking matter. The main character doesn’t go “whoa, I was reading that gauge wrong because the orientation isn’t what I expected and now our submarine is going to crash!” It’s a detail buried in a pointless paragraph designed to appeal to a certain type of miltech nerd, which Clancy was. The point of this whole thing is that the details should matter to the characters and the book, not just to you. If you want people to be impressed that you researched some obscure fact, at least make it relevant to your characters.)
Another trick I use is to remember what the characters are sensing and feeling. This kind of detail can help connect your reader to your characters. A particularly good exercise that you can use in conjunction with the first tip is to focus on the five senses: what can your character see in the scene? What are they smelling? Hearing? Taste can include not just food, but a sourness in the mouth left over from a meal, or a sweet residue of a drink. What they feel can encompass a wide range of things: are they warm or cold? Are their clothes tight or loose? Are they itchy, soft, silky, cozy? Are they feeling full, hungry, nauseated? Do any of their joints ache? Are they tired, and if so, how tired? Weary, fatigued, sleepy, bored?
All of these details help the reader connect with your character in a scene. Then when you get around to editing, really read through all your description. Which details add to the scene and which are just there? Ultimately you’re the judge of how much detail belongs in your scenes. Some writers like big expansive description, and others like it pared down. If you think you’re skewed too much to one extreme, you can pare it down or add to it, but at the end of the day you’re the one that has to be satisfied with how you’re grounding your characters in the world.
Writing Advice: (de)Tail Oriented
Dear Kyell, I was wondering, do you have someone proofread your books before you publish them? When I was reading all the Volle stories, I noticed there were some errors in the story line, for example, in the Pendant of Fortune, at the beginning when Volle met with Tish the first time Tish fingered his pendant on a chain; later on during the trial, you had the pendant on a leather strap. I don't like to criticize authors as you work very hard in writing them and I know it's hard to keep things straight. I love the Volle stories and have read them over at least 2 dozen times. I had to buy new copies as the books have started to fall apart. So, thanks for your novels and keep on writing.
Interestingly thing about Hunt for Red October. TC got in to trouble about it as the Navy though he was stealing military secrets.. his submarine strategy was too accurate.
Turned out he was an avid wargamer, and when he played games with top Naval guys - they sometimes used the very stratigies they has developed.
TC did not know that and so wrote those strategies in to his books.
Plus other info he has learned from his friends.
Shame you were put off on such minutiae as they were often a trick to bring you closer to the main character as in sharing info only that thw character would know.
Plus Jack Ryan was teaching in the Naval Acadamy and such trivia like the position like the position of gauges could also signify crew positions in the sub.. like who would need to read them.